The Emptiness of Art
Years ago, when I joined DeviantArt, it was an entirely different place, a different attitude, a central place of art where amateurs and pros mingled. I was excited to join. I discovered tons of artwork that interested me. But when your captivated in the moment, the truth can be hard to see. Many people have noted the changes in DA and have already exhaustively listed those reasons, so there's no need to rant on those. However, my tale is a bit different.
When I said "captivated in the moment", I'm referring to that era of mine where I was both an artist and virtually inhaling art. I looked at thousands of images, collecting a few hundred, and taking only seconds to enjoy each one before moving on to the next. I couldn't see enough. I became starved for more. This went on endlessly. I became jealous of other's works and wanted to make equally interesting art.
Then a couple things happened. First, I stopped going to DA. I was, in a sense, cut off from the source of fractal art that had filled my time. I spent more time on Pixiv, inhaling the art there. Then the second thing happened: I finally woke up to realize what art was doing to me.
Art in itself is nice, but it's only for the senses. It can never satisfy. When you chase after it, you long for more and more. As you seek it, you become like the artwork you seek: lifeless, dead. Art isn't alive. It doesn't change. Sure, animation moves, but it's not unpredictable and lively like real people. Looking at art was stealing my time, hurting me physically (eyes and back, because I just sat around looking at it), and leaving me empty. I had developed unnatural cravings. What I was truly looking for I couldn't find, and that thing is life.
When you look out your window and see trees and birds and animals, you see life. Visual appearance belongs to something. It's meant to display a real, living thing. Visual appearance isn't meant to be extracted and depicted on canvasses. That's something man has done and to his own detriment.
There's a reason God says "Don't make images". As I discovered in my own life, by actively seeking them, I was, in fact, worshiping images. I valued them more than I valued the real mccoy.
With fractals, I was worshiping color and shape for their own sake. Fractals aren't of real things. They're just color and shapes. Pretty, yes, but entirely meaningless. From my point of view now, it's about the worst form of art there is. Evil in its own right? No. But it's very easy to idolize it, as I was doing, and find yourself empty.
By looking at anime, my tastes changed, and I started to value the fake cartoon characters over real people. I ended up with delusions as to how people should look, act, and by perceived as. I ended up degrading humans to merely their bodily appearance. This made it difficult to start relationships. Moreover, it left me feeling empty.
We're not supposed to stop at the surface, the appearance. God made the appearance as in invitation for us to get to know something or someone better.
So last year, I quit looking at imagery, I quit art altogether. I shared all the fractals I made and stopped making more. Since then, my tastes have returned to normal and my cravings have subsided. I checked out my Watch list notifications here and found everything... disinteresting. When I was infatuated with art, I thought all that stuff was so fascinating, but now that it's a thing of the past, the truth is more plain and I see it all for what it really is.
I don't believe art is bad or evil. We enjoy art and always will. The problem isn't the art itself. The problem is what we do with it. Are you going to spend your whole life infatuated by art, chasing it and feeling unsatisfied, or are you going to live a healthier, more balanced life, enjoying beauty as it comes?
My time on DA has come to an end. I'll leave the account open for awhile just so people can read this (and I don't have many followers, so that shouldn't take too long), but eventually, this account too will die. It'll be a bookend to the era. I learned and saw many new and interesting things. Thanks for the memories!
End of the Allure?
On the flip-side, a post on my blog by Brad_Stefanov had got me thinking about fractals again (and also the reason I stopped in). He's still interested in fractals and tinkering with my old work. That inspired me to dig into the back of my brain and pull out ideas for some fractal software I had intended to make all these years.
The biggest issue for creating fractals - and the primary reason I stopped - was that fractals take too long to render. It's like raytracing from the light source - a process that, when done right, could still take days (or at least it would on my own hardware). On the other hand, path-tracing from the camera is much faster (literally minutes for my path tracer), so I thought about creating a fractal flame generator that works the same way. Perhaps this is the way Chaotica works, idk. It is the way 3D fractals are rendered. The issue for 2D fractals is that all of the fractal transform processing has to be done in reverse. Sometimes that's possible, and other times, it will be very, very tricky to do. But to make a fractal generator like this is alot of work, and I while I know I can probably make some better looking 2D stuff than I've ever seen, I don't have quite the motivation to write the software.
That said, I'm still interested in hearing about the news in the fractal community. And even though I feel next to no obligation of ever returning to DA, I still miss all of you now and then. Keep fractalling and having fun!
Artist Feature: Abiogenisis
Shoutout to Project Comment
The basic idea is that you provide a constructive (i.e. helpful) comment of a certain specified length on someone's work, and then you can submit your work into a folder where it will also receive a comment of the same length.
I'm not sure how it all works out, obviously, but I like the idea of encouraging constructive commentary. It's easy to look and enjoy but hard to comment. That's not to say people don't already post generic "it's awesome!" comments on stuff they like, but this way, people are encouraged to give better feedback.
The critique form has always been reserved by DA for premium members, but that doesn't mean you as an artist can't ask for critiques. Maybe some people feel very reluctant to do so since they can't monitor it and nix critiques they don't like. On average, there are more "praise critiques" than critical ones, from my experience, which doesn't really help people learn, but at least people who do get critiques feel accomplished. *shrug* I'm not in any place to judge the overall state of critiquing on DA, so I'll leave it at that. My advice is to not be afraid of the punch, even if it hurts. When you're asked to give your opinion on art, do it with clarity and kindness. Now is your chance: Go join Project Comment and start helping people improve!
Stop, Draw, and Roll
Many of us come to DA not to post, but to view. We are, in some senses, true consumers, but the only thing we are really consuming is our time. There are thousands upon thousands of images to view and sights to see and books to read. We won't get to see all of them or read them or enjoy them. Theres' no sense in attempting to pursue all of them in hopes that you will somehow become better by osmosis. Rather than improving, you'll only fall further and further behind the artists you enjoy.
Today I'm going to offer you some tips and notes that helped me for getting your eyes off everyone else's work and motivating yourself to do it yourself.
1. Jealousy can only be satisfied by the work of your hands
You see something pretty and you want it. I'm quite certain a number of people go around jacking images off of websites and posting them to their own account just to say it's "theirs" and receive the praise and accomplishment. But deep down, they never find satisfaction. They become slaves of that craving of praise and end up diluting both their art site accounts while making it more and more obvious that they are fakers, thereby reducing the praise they crave.The only way to satisfy your craving of accomplishment - even if you don't want the praise - is by doing it yourself, NOT by taking what someone else has made.
2. Use Copyright Notices as a Challenge to Do It Your Way
First, let me be clear: I hate copyright law, but for reasons other than artwork. When I see copyright notices, I imagine the legal mess that plagues the justice system and kills the little guy all the while promising the puny indies a false sense of automatic protection. Unless you put down the dough to get your work attached to you on paper, the reality is the feds don't care. Is this license for you to go out and take what you want? I got a better idea...See something you like? Let that be a challenge for you to make something better. I know it might seem intimidating at first, but the reality is, every good work of art is made up of smaller aspects you just happen to notice. It's not like the artist you idolize is using magic paint. They sat around for hours and learned how to get what they wanted, so can you.
The next time you see something that says "don't touch", think about what it would look like if you did it the way you wanted. There are a number of artists whose work I admire, but I can easily go through their work and nit-pick about things I don't enjoy. If I'm going to do something, I want to do it my way - the way that I personally find beautiful. Everyones' eye for beauty is different. Yes it is, don't lie. Even if your "beauty" is only slightly different than the next guy, you can do it your way.
3. Limit the Art You View
If you are active enough on DA to be a moderator for multiple groups, you're not spending enough time doing artwork. If you view all 1000 notifications every week in your message center, you're not spending enough time doing artwork. If you login to DA every day, you are not spending enough time doing artwork. That's not to say some people can't, but the reality is these may be symptoms of spending more time in the social setting than in art time. You need to back off.I figure most people have multiple kinds of art they enjoy. It's just a matter of what people see in something or the medium used. If we know what these are, we tend to look for them. Then we go to look, feel like we can do it ourselves, and eventually find ourselves overwhelmed with all the things we want to do.
Let's back off and focus: What really good artists do you know on DA that are really good in more than one kind of artwork? ... I'll take a guess and say very few if none. There are people who are good, but unlikely to be very good in more than one kind of art. Why? It's a matter of where they devoted their energy. Those who are very good at more than one medium tend to have long since passed their teens (guess what I'm implying, lol), so they've had longer to learn both crafts, or they went to school for it and were given the years of wisdom gained from other poor Joes who figured it out the hard way. The lesson here is that you need to pick only one kind of art to study.
4. Dedicate Time
It's very easy to say "I'll get around to it." When? When you're dead? When you "have the time"? How much do you want it? If you're only content with just looking, then fine - just look. Or you could take that time that you would have otherwise spent on DA and dedicate it to doing artwork. Pick an hour of the day (half hour is too short for a time slot) to practice artwork. No, not read about it or study it or think about it. DO IT! Remember, this is for your sense of accomplishment.5. Work on the Components
The art I like the most is too complicated to do in one sitting. If the art you like is complicated, you need to know how to do each step in advance, how to optimize that step, and THEN how to apply it in a larger setting.Fractal art is similar. If you learn about what each variation does, things like basic splits+elliptic start to make sense, and you can thereafter start making larger, more complex structures.
The components you dedicate your time to studying and practicing will usually turn out best. I know of some artists with terrible anatomy for people, but the coloring jobs they do are amazing. I think you can guess which aspects of their art were on their priority list. Same for you. Where you focus your practice defines your style. You don't simply have a style. You earn it. You become that kind of artist. Do you not like your current style? What about it do you not like? Work on improving that.
6. Let Progress Motivate You to Do MORE
It's very easy to fall into the trap of thinking "I did it, now I'm done." Whenever people (including yourself) praise your work, that should motivate you to do more, not sit on your hands and think of how great you are. Someone like what you did? Awesome! - Do it again!7. Embrace the Burning Passion to Do
Ever had something you really wanted to do? What's stopping you? Excuses. You keep thinking of reasons not to do something. The reality is, you're probably scared. You're scared of starting and not finishing. You're scared of "wasting time on that project" that you can't dream of ever being completed. But what are you doing now? Let me guess - wasting time? Would you rather watch a movie or make the animation for that movie? If you'd rather watch movies, let go of that passion to make one. If you're rather make a movie, then turn off the TV and focus on that passion.Embracing the passion to do something can be very important to accomplishing it. There are days when you don't feel like working on your project. If you just think about thinking, you don't make progress. If you just think about finishing, you don't do. You have to think that the work is enjoyable. When you do it, you're doing what you want to be doing, right? Isn't that the thing you want to do? If it isn't maybe that kind of art isn't something you should be doing, and you should go back to being a couch potato?
Conclusion
What I've said, of course, isn't just applicable to doing artwork. It's applicable to a number of things.Yes, these sorts of journal articles are pretty common around DA, but I felt like writing one, not because I needed self-motivation, but because I'm already on a roll doing what I enjoy and thought I should explain my absence on DA. Currently, I'm working on iterated mesh / fractal mesh creation and ignoring the 5000+ notifications in my DA messages panel. I wonder if the DA staff cares.
